Saving Me
by vcln
Summary: When a key member of the Cullen family is killed, how does the family recover? Will they ever be the same?
1. Chapter 1

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT RELATED.**

**OKAY HEY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**This is my second story and I know it's a weird couple but this is a fan fiction so I could do anything I want!!!!! HE! HE! Anyway this is Carlisle/Bella love story. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**DESTROYED.**

**Chapter One.**

**Bella's POV.**

No words could describe the scene in front of me. Alice was crying mercilessly on the couch. Rosalie clung to my arm as if there was no tomorrow. Jasper was curled up in a fetal position from the blunt of the raw emotions present in the Cullen's living room. Emmett just sat on the floor, his eyes black and distant. Edward was cradled in the arms of his newly found mate, Vani. In the distance you could here the wolves howling in pain. I honest, to God, had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that something terrible had happened and I needed to do something fast.

It had been seven years since I rushed to save Edward from killing himself in Volterra and since then my relationship with all the Cullens has changed. Edward, no longer my boyfriend, became one of my best friends; Rosalie became a sister to me but more so my relationship with Carlisle and Esme became one of friendship. I no longer saw them as parental figures. It was strange really but according to Carlisle and one of his many theories, I had matured greatly over the past year during the Cullens' absence and now I could easily relate to the older members of the family other than just the 'children.'

Cautiously I lowered both myself and Rosalie to the ground only to have her cling herself to my chest. I held her in silence as she cried chanting over and over "bring her back." To me this phrase had no meaning.

Gently I pulled Rosalie's face away from my chest to look at her.

"Rose honey, what happened? Who do you want me to bring back?"

"I think I could answer that question, dearest Bella." I jumped in surprise both at the fact that I did not know of his presence and also that none of the Cullens reacted to him. With both pity and sympathy in his eyes, I turned to look Aro directly in his face and hopefully get the answers about why my family was so destroyed.

"Aro, what brings you to Forks?" I was surprised when I was able to speak without showing my fear because on the inside I was falling to pieces.

"Business my dear. Grave business, I'm afraid."

"Aro please, I would much appreciate it if I could get a straight answer. I know it must be grave business if my family is this destroyed," I said gesturing to the chaotic scene behind me.

Aro sighed heavily as he took in the scene behind me. "I agree with you but before I tell you, I must know if you are still intent on becoming one of us?"

I was furious not to mention impatient.

"God, Aro! Yes as agreed I will be changed after medical school by Carlisle. I have only two more years to finish my residence. Now could you please tell me WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?"

Jane hissed in response to my outburst. She should have known that I did not give a damn. I was already flustered and at my wits end as to why my family was hurt and now her JACKASS OF A MASTER was concerned about me becoming immortal.

"Certainly but I think it would be easier if you read it. You might not believe me." With that he handed me a black folder. Cautiously, I began to read. After about ten minutes of me reading, I felt my knees begin to weaken as the depth of what occurred began to sink in.

Marcus, seeing my reaction, walked forward and held me tightly against his chest. Marcus and I had formed a father daughter relationship over the years and I knew it hurt him to see me this way. Looking up at him, I asked

"What does this mean?"

Marcus sighed heavily and picked me up to cradle me to his chest before answering.

"It means what you think it does." Shifting me slightly so I was held by one arm, he used the other to point into the distance where a cloud of purple smoke could be seen. "It means that Esme Cullen is no more." Those were the last word I heard before the darkness took me.


	2. Reasons

**Hey people!!!!!!! Now this is chapter two and I hope you like it. Please feel to leave a review or ten. Now this is a sad chapter so if you cry easily read this and have some tissues on hand. Anyway, ENJOY and THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS. LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!**

**REASONS.**

**Chapter Two.**

**Bella's POV.**

I had no idea for how long I was unconscious but truly I did not care. I wanted to remain here in this little haven where reality did not touch me. I did not want to feel pain, I did not want to face the true but more so I did not want to face the world without my friend Esme. However as faith would have it, I was not granted the escape I sought after.

After what seemed to be several minutes, but truth be told it was really several hours, I was jolted out of my heaven by the screams of both Rosalie and Alice.

"CARLISLE, BRING HER BACK. BRING OUR ESME BACK. GIVE US OUR MOTHER BACK." I had never heard Rosalie and Alice cry like this. Even I cringed in pain. It was a tortured, pained cry.

Fighting tears on my own, I made my way down to the living room. As I descended the last stair, I stopped. There were no words that could describe the pain in the room. You could almost suffocate from it but what stunned me the most was the look on Carlisle's face. He was distant, cold and detached. His eyes were coal black and emotionless. Even as his daughters clung to him, he did nothing to comfort them. He was in his own bubble with his own pain and now in this moment nothing and no one mattered to him. He was no longer a leader or a friend or even a father. He was simply a man who was mourning the loss of his wife. He was a burning and destroyed man.

He closed his eyes, hiding whatever emotion that was playing in his mind, and then turned to me.

"Bella, please help me." I knew instantly what he was asking for. He wanted an escape, a place where he had no obligations.

Smiling slightly, I walked over to him and took Rosalie and Alice into my arms, hugging them as they cried.

"Go, Carlisle. I'll take care of them. Oh and please hunt." I said. With that I led the girls to the couch where they cried for hours. Emmett and Jasper disappeared which worried me slightly until Billy Black arrived with Sue Clearwater. Over the years and after several meetings later, a strong bond of friendship formed between the Cullens and the wolf pack. Billy became a close friend of Carlisle's and Sue became friends with Esme. Even Leah, Sue's daughter and the only female wolf in history, was able to bond with Rosalie since they both could not have children.

As soon as Sue entered she hurried over to me and traded places so that she could take over comforting the girls.

"Hey Billy. What could I help you with?" I asked

"I came to check on you guys. Esme's death really hit everyone hard. Sam and Jake have been working their best to comfort the pack. After the Volturi left it has been literal hell. When you fainted, well that just added to the already messed up situation." He said never once meeting my gaze.

"Yeah. I knew the Volturi were here. Marcus was the one who held me. How bad is it with the pack? Because if it is even half as bad as it is here then we are going to need so help."

"Well then we should look into getting so help. From what I heard, some of the members of the pack are refusing to shift back to their human form. You see, many of these boys have never been able to tell their parents about what has been happening. Many of their parents don't even know that they are wolves so these boys would always be in trouble. But here at the Cullens, both Esme and Carlisle knew what they were so they were treated like teenagers. They were loved, punished when they did something wrong but most importantly they were never judged, hated or punished for something that was out of their control. Such as running midnight shifts. All I am saying is that, like Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie and more recently, Vani, Esme became a second mother to the pack. They were HER PACK. So now the pack is mourning the loss of a mother figure as well."

"Good God Billy!!!!!!!!!! There are seventeen members in the pack in addition to the six Cullen kids and then there is Carlisle. Oh God!!!!! How are we supposed to do that? How are we to help twenty four people with their grief? I do not even know what I'm up against. I know what happened but I don't know why? God Esme why? Why did you do this? Was this family not enough for you?"

Billy who was silent throughout my rant, reached out sheepishly to touch my hand. It was comforting to know that I was not alone in this. We were all grieving but there were those who needed us and they came first.

"Bells, I have something for you. Esme left it with me like if she knew this was going to happen." With that Billy handed me an envelope, sealed and addressed to me. Stunned I took it from his outstretched hand.

At this moment, Sue spoke up.

"Go Bells. Go and read that letter. Get your answers so you could help them. Go. We'll hold it down here for you."

With that I ran to Carlisle's Mercedes and was flying down the twisted path and onto the highway. It took me two hours to reach the pier I frequented with Esme when we just needed to escape and now here I was preparing to read the last letter she ever wrote to me.

Slowly I ripped open the envelope and began.

_Dearest Bella,_

_Please forgive me. I never intended for anyone to get hurt but that is the inevitable for the crime that I have committed. I do not know if you were told yet, but if you were not or even if you did not believe what you were told then let me tell you myself. My dearest Bella, I was responsible for creating an immortal child. Again forgive me. I know what I did was selfish but when I found that child fourteen months ago in the woods; I could not let him die. He remained me so dearly of my lost son that I could not bear to see him die. So as my maternal instincts took over, I did the only I knew would save him. I bit him._

_I know that now you may have many questions for me but unfortunately I shall not be able to do so. I write this letter to ask something of you. It is selfish of me. Truly it is, but there is no one I know who could be more capable or more selfless to do what is asked for of them. So Bella, you now may be wondering what I could possible ask of you. It is simple really. Bella, I ask you to look after my family; all of my family members. Now that includes the wolves too. Love them as if they were your own. I know you are young but I could not have asked for a better friend in my life Bella who I know would willingly care for them all. Could you do this for me Bella?_

_Now could you also tell them this for me? Tell them that I loved them, unconditionally and irrevocably. Tell them that they were the joy in my life. Tell them that they erased my emptiness. Tell them I never regretted being their mother. Tell them of me Bella. Tell them that I am there in every tear they cry wishing I could wipe it away. _

_Could you tell Rosalie that it is time the world was able to see her inner beauty as well as her outer beauty? Could you tell her that she does not have to be so hard on herself and the world? Could you tell her that I ask that she stop hating the world and embrace the beauty around her. Tell her to love unconditionally. Break free of her shackles and let the world in because only then could she be happy and that I loved her._

_Could you tell Alice that she is a shopaholic and she should see about getting some help? Tell her that she has brought limitless joy into my life and for that I am very thankful. Tell her to continue to spread the love around and to stop cheating in matches with Emmett. Tell her that I loved her as if she was my own. Tell her she would always be my Tinkerbell._

_Could you tell Vani that even though she was my youngest daughter that I loved her as unconditionally as the rest? Tell her that I regret having such limited time with her but that I was glad that she was a member of my family._

_For Emmett, could you tell him that he is truly my little teddy bear? Telling him that even though he was forever in trouble, that I did not love him any less. Tell him that I said thank you for the many laughs and smiles. Tell him that I ask for him to continue making the world happy, making my family happy, making me happy._

_To Jasper, tell him that of all my children, I am most proud of him. I understood the depth of his pain and his never ending struggle with his blood lust but I saw him fight everyday to overcome it, never once straying and for that I am proud. Tell him I will always have faith in him and to keep on fighting._

_To Edward, my longest son; there are no words I could use to describe the immense gratitude that I have for you. After my change you were always there for me. Over time you became a son to me and allowed me a chance to heal after the death of my own baby. For that I thank you and I love you greatly._

_To my husband, Carlisle. I hope that someday that you may forgive me for what I have done. Please know I have always loved you and always will. My actions were selfish and in no way reflect on you. So please Carlisle, do not blame this on yourself. I ask that you help our children and that you do not distance yourself. Please Carlisle, I love you and forgive me._

_And lastly to you Bella, I wrote a letter to the wolves and left it with Sam. Please know that now you are the only thing holding this family together. I know I ask a lot of you but I need to know that my family will be alright or else I may never find peace. Please Bella. Please tell my family what I have asked and said._

_This now is goodbye. I love you all dearly. I wish I could have been with you all but my actions have led me down another path. So as I leave I just want to say thank you Bella for what you have done. I may not be with you but my soul, the soul of my blood son, Dylan and the soul of the immortal child, Matthew will always be looking down on you. Thank you Bella and I love you._

_Your friend for all eternity,_

_Esme Cullen._

I sat still for a long while, unable to move from depth of pain that had engulfed me. I lost my friend. Carlisle lost a wife. The children and the pack have lost a mother and all I kept chanting over and over in my head was, "Why Esme? Why?"

Slowly I made my way over to where a clown was selling balloons and bought two baby blue balloons and one baby pink balloon and then walked back over to the pier. Sighing slightly, I held the balloons over the railing as I said a few words.

"Esme, I know you could hear me. If you are wondering what these balloons are for, well they represent the souls of those I lost. That includes you and your two sons. Esme, I promise you here and now that I will look after the Cullens and the pack. I will do as you ask of me but I will never take your place Esme. I could never do that. So be at peace Esme. Enjoy your time with your sons. I will look after the ones here. I love you Esme. Be at peace. Goodbye dear friend. Goodbye Matthew. Goodbye Dylan."

With that I released the balloons, saying goodbye to the souls lost and also sealing my promise to Esme. Weak with emotion and sank to the floor and cried only to hear Esme's voice whisper, "Thank You" in the wind


	3. Pains

**I DON"T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT RELATED.**

**Hey people…………..THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS AND PLEASE DO REVIEW A LOT MORE. (If I get fifteen reviews you will have the next chapter by Saturday) So this is chapter three. I hope this clears up everything for you guys.**

**LOVE YOU AND ENJOY.**

**Pains.**

**Chapter Three**

**Carlisle's POV.**

"CARLISLE, BRING HER BACK. BRING OUR ESME BACK. GIVE US OUR MOTHER BACK." That was all Rosalie had to say for me to snap. I could not do this. I could not face this. I needed to be by myself. I needed an escape.

I turned to Bella, pleading to her with my eyes, begging her to help me.

"Bella, please help me."

Instantly she understood and granted me my one wish.

"Go, Carlisle. I'll take care of them. Oh and please hunt." And with that I left the house, left everything behind: the pain, the hurt and most importantly the memories.

Trees blurred past me. I had no idea where I was or when it was when I decided to stop. I vaguely recalled Bella asking me to hunt but I couldn't. I just did not care anymore. I was a burning man. I had no strength for anything. My wife was gone. She had left me behind and I could not face it.

Weak, broken and alone I sank to the floor taking on the resemblance of a statue: cold, still, silent and emotionless. I needed Esme. I needed her. She kept me sane and going of so long, but the pain now was unbearable. I started to reply the events of today in my mind hoping to see it was all a lie but that was not to be.

_*FLASHBACK*_

_I was sitting in my office at the hospital catching up with some paper work when Alice called._

"_What is it Alice?"_

"_Carlisle you have to get home right now. The Volturi are on their way." She responded sounding quite flustered._

_I was already out the door before she finished speaking._

"_Do you know why they are coming?" I asked._

"_No Carlisle but I can tell you that this is not a friendly visit. They are coming with Jane and Alec. Something is wrong; very wrong."_

"_How long until they reach?"_

"_Ten minutes."_

"_I'll be there in five minutes." And with that I hung up and ran even faster to the house. The Volturi were close. I could smell them._

"_Alice," I called as soon as I entered the door, "What is the catalyst of their visit?"_

"_I don't know. I DON"T KNOW. I DONT KNOW." She cried. Jasper put a comforting arm around her and I felt a powerful burst of calm and serenity as it entered the room._

_I turned to Edward. "Son, do you here anything from the Volturi? Could you tell us why they are coming? Do you know the catalyst for this visit?"_

_He pinched his nose bridge with his thumb and index finger and his brow frowned as he concentrated. What happened next both stunned and silenced me as I looked on in pure horror as both Edward and Jasper doubled over in pain._

"_MAKE IT STOP CARLISLE!!!!!!" they exclaimed in unison. I had no idea what to do or even what to say since I did not know the cause. I rushed forward and cradled both my sons to my chest as their mates Alice and Vani looked on in pure horror._

"_WHAT IS GOING ON?" I screamed no longer to bare it._

"_I think I could answer that." _

_I whipped my head around to come face to face with Aro._

"_Aro, what is the meaning of your visit? Why is it affecting my family this way? Please tell me." I pleaded. _

_Aro looked down at me with pure sympathy in his eyes. "Carlisle, you have always been a great friend of mine but I ask that you bear with me before I grant you your answers."_

_I looked at him completely puzzled. Sighing slightly, Aro held out his hand to me. Instantly I understood and placed my hand in his allowing him access to my memories. I had no idea what he was looking for but he searched the mind of every one of my family members._

_After what seemed like an eternity, Aro withdrew to stand with the guard._

"_Carlisle, dear friend, where is Esme?" it was only after Aro's questions did I notice that Esme was missing._

"_I don't know. Children, do you know where Esme is?" I questioned._

"_I do as Aro already knows." Edward croaked. He was still cradled to my chest. I looked down at him only to see pain reflected in his eyes._

"_THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. I have humored you more than enough. What is going on and stop talking in BLOODY RIDDLES."_

"_Carlisle, please have a seat. This is not going to be easy for any of you. Two months ago we got information from a nomad that was passing through Forks that he saw a woman playing with a child in the woods. He thought he had a free and easy meal but was shocked when he realized that neither woman nor child had a heartbeat. You know as well as I do that that could have only mean one thing: that female vampire had created an immortal child. How she was able to keep that secret for so long and in the company of so many gifted vampires such as the ones in your coven is beyond me but she did. For about fourteen months now a immortal child has been rounding around here, killing as it pleases in places far and remote enough to prevent you from being suspicious but truth be told that child has always been running around here in the woods of Forks. I discovered this when he came to visit Volterra but that is beside the point. When I saw his memories I was shocked to discover that I knew the vampire that was responsible for breaking one of the most important laws in our world. That vampire was Esme.'_

_I was stunned. I could not believe that. I would not believe that. Esme would never do that, she wouldn't. She knew the rules. She knew that laws. I allowed myself a dark chuckle._

"_You must be mistaken Aro. My wife would never do that."_

"_Sadly she did, Carlisle." I turned to look at Edward who was now sitting next to me. I could not believe what he just said. "I have seen Aro's memories. I saw it as if I was there watching Esme play with that child. She did it Carlisle. She c-c-c-r-r……….." He could even finish what he was saying before he broke down in tearless sobs._

_I grabbed him by his collar pulling him to face me, pure anger in my voice. "How dear you lie to me!!!!!! How dear you accuse your mother of creating an immortal child!! Do you know the…………."_

"_ENOUGH!!!!!!!!" I turned to the back door where Esme's voice entered through from. I only had to wait a few seconds to see her round the corner from the kitchen to the living room where we all gathered. At the sight of her, I just dropped to my knees. I instantly lost all my strength. There in her arms was the immortal child, dressed in a little boy's tuxedo, with her matched him in a knee length black dress. Her facial expression said it all: she was guilt of her crimes and now she was going to bear it consequences. Behind her the wolf pack filtered in and I now understood why we did not see this sooner. She had hid him on their lands and we would have been blinded to her actions._

"_Esme." Aro called._

"_Aro." she responded in a monotone voice. It was the voice of death and acceptance._

"_I assume that you know why we are here?" He asked pointing to the Volturine guards behind him._

"_I do know why and I take full responsibility. I do hope that from your experimentation that my family had no part in this and the blame lies solely with me."_

"_Yes, I do know that. However you must know that there is a penalty for this."_

"_I do know that as well Aro but before you continue I would like a moment to address my family. Consider this my dying wish."_

"_Certainly Esme." With Aro's reassurance, Esme turned to face us. Edward was now doubled over on the floor clutching at his body. Vani sat next to him, her head pressed on his back as they both cried. Alice and Rosalie held each other, shock and hurt, etched on their faces. Emmett sank to the floor, his face dead and emotionless. Jasper was curled in a ball in the furthest corner of the living room. I knew the emotional climate was killing him but there was nothing I could do. The wolf pack stood silently in the background, all of them shedding silent tears._

"_All of you listen to me. Firstly let me ask you for your forgiveness. I selfishly created this immortal child for reasons which some of you may not understand but I did and now I must live with the consequence I always knew it was too good to last but I was and am thankful for the time I had with all of you. I love each and everyone as my own and that will never change. So for now this is goodbye. Some of you I may see again, some I will not but all of you rest assure that I will always be around when you need me. I love all of you so dearly. Forgive me." At these words the children and the pack only sobbed harder._

"_Carlisle," she said turning to me, "above all else, it is your forgiveness I seek the most. Today I have hurt you in too many ways and I leave you alone with six children and a broken heart. But you will never be alone. I would not have been so cruel. I will always be there with you, every step of the way and we both know that you have a friend who will always be there to help you."_

"_Who is that Esme? Tell me who is going to help this family? Who is going to bring us back? Who is going to heal us?"_

_With a soft smile on her face, she answered, "Bella." Then she bent and kissed me. This was the last time I would kiss my wife. The last time I would feel her body pressed against mine. The last time I would be able to show her any affection and it killed me. After what seemed like forever, we pulled apart._

"_I love you, Esme." I breathed across her lips as she pressed her forehead to mine._

"_As I love you. Goodbye Carlisle." Before I could react, she ran out the door followed closely by Aro and Caius. Marcus stayed behind but I was too lost in my pain to pay him any attention._

_After several minutes, the sound of metal being ripped apart echoed through the house. Everyone in the room was silent, struggling to come to terms with this reality. It was not until the smell of vampire flesh burning that it finally struck home. The howls from the wolf pack were deafening. The sobs of my children pierced me right to my non beating heart. I was a man brought to his knees in pain. My children needed me. The pack needed me but I could not do any of it. _

_Before they could demand anything of me, I ran to where they were burning Esme. I stood and looked on as the flames licked and lashed away at the still parts of my wife and son of sorts. I love her dearly and now she was gone. I had no idea how long I stood there surrounded by the members of the guard but I stood there until they collected the ashes and handed it to Aro._

_He was about to hand them to me but I stopped him asking if he could carry them to the house for me instead since I still needed time here. He agreed and left me to my thoughts._

And that was the end of my memory. I had not seen her killed. I t was probably I good thing though because I might have ended up killing myself and my children needed me. I had to be strong for them. I had to heal. I know it would be a long while until I resembled the person who I was but I had to do it for them.

With that, I brushed the dirt of my pants and started to head home. It took me several minutes to find my way since I had not paid attention when I left home. When I entered the house I was shocked when the only two people I saw where Billy and Sue.

Automatically they both looked up.

"Where is everyone?" I directed my question to Billy.

"The pack took the kids out to hunt. They thought it was a good idea since everyone's eyes are pitch black. Kinda like yours."

"I'll be alright for now. Where is Bella?"

"She's in the guest room." That is all I needed to hear and then I was standing in front of her door. I heard her heart beat on the other side and was truly thankful to her in this moment. Esme was right. Now in this moment, Bella was the only one who would be able to save this family.

I knocked quietly on her door, waiting for her response.

"Come in," she called.

I opened the door to reveal Bella lying on her bed looking at a picture of Esme and her. I knew she was surprised because as soon as I entered she jumped up and was about to make her way of the bed.

At vampire speeds, I was at her side in an instant, pushing gently back on the bed. Though she complied, she looked at me with questioning eyes. Smiling slightly, I answered her unasked question.

"I need a friend."

"Anything you need Carlisle. I'll be right her."

And with that I lay down next to her and buried my head in her stomach, taking comfort in her warmth. I felt her bring her hand to my hair and started to play with the strands. It was then that I broke. I cried for everything. I cried for love. I cried for betrayal. I cried for my family. I cried because of the fact that I would have to face all of eternity alone. But most importantly I cried for loss. I was lost and alone and I knew that now the only thing grounding me to this life was Bella.


	4. Goodbye Esme

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT RELATED.**

**Hey people……………ssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy about the late update. This was a really important chapter for me so I wanted it to be a touching as humanly possible so it took some time but to be honest, I am still not satisfied with it but it will do.**

**THANK YOU for the reviews and place do review this chapter as well.**

**P.S.: While reading this chapter I suggest you listen to Sarah Mc Lachlan's song In the Arms of an Angel.**

**GOODBYE ESME.**

**Chapter Four.**

**Bella's POV**

Alright Bella, it's 9:15; time to go meet the guest and round up the children. Sighing slightly I made my way from my room to the living room. I can not believe that it has been a week since Esme left us and that today was her memorial service. Everyone from Forks was here as well as a great portion of the vampire community.

As soon as I entered the living room all heads turned to me since I was the only member of the family to have made an appearance. Shaking me head I walked back up to the bedrooms to gather the children. First stop was Alice and Jasper's room.

Knocking gently, I opened the door to see Alice cradled in Jasper's arms, both of their eyes swimming with the tears that they could not cry. Making my way over to them, I took them both in my arms and cradled them to my chest the same way a mother did for her child.

"Alice, Jasper……………… shhhh, sweethearts. I've got you. Hush dears. Hush." I soothed them as their bodies both shook with their tearless sobs.

"Bella, why her? Did she really have to go? Could they not have forgiven her?" Alice choked out.

It pained me to see them hurt this way. For the last week life at the Cullen's was hell for everyone. The wolf pack had taken up residence here, saying that it was easier to deal with Esme's loss by being around the Cullen's. The Cullen "children" had taken to locking themselves in various rooms so as to prevent themselves from having to socialize. Carlisle had taken an extended bereavement leave from the hospital and I, Isabella Swan, had become friend and mother overnight, taking on all the responsibilities that came with it. I can not remember when was the last time that I had gotten a proper night's sleep. For some reason I was always comforting someone, not that I mind, but it was shocking to me how all the members of both the Cullen's and the wolf pack had turned to me to be the one to comfort them, the one to be their new mother figure.

Reluctantly, I pulled away from Jasper and Alice to look them in their eyes.

"Alice, Jasper," I said as I wiped away their non-existent tears, "I know this is not fair but we have to go down stairs to say goodbye to your mother. I know this is hard. I know you don't want to face the town. I know you don't want to put on a show but you have to. For your sake, your family's sake and for your father's sake you have to do this. Come on sweethearts, for today, can you find it in your hearts to have the strength to do this?" I asked, "Can you do this for me, for Esme?"

At the mention of Esme's name both children began to cry once more. I knew it was wrong of me to use Esme that way but I knew if Esme was still alive that she would have done the same thing. I held them while they cried and waited patiently for their tears to stop. After about ten minutes they stopped.

"I guess you're right Bells. We'll go. Do you want us to get anyone for you?" Jasper asked. I knew this situation was taking a massive toll on Jasper and today was going to be worse but he was still here trying to cope with not only his grief but with the grief of everyone else and for that I was very proud of him.

With a soft smile, I answered, "No Jazz, I get them." With that I looked on as Jasper and Alice made their way down to the living room, hand in hand.

"Okay Bella, next up Rosalie and Emmett." And with that I made my way over to their room only to meet them on the corridor with Edward and Vani.

"Are you guys okay?" I asked as I gently touch each of their cheeks.

"Yeah Bells. We heard what you said to Alice and Jazz and you're right. We have to do this for Esme but I think Carlisle might need your help." Edward answered while leaning into my touch.

"Okay, I'll go to him. Love you." I had no idea what made me say love you to them but I felt so right, so natural.

Quietly I made my way to Carlisle's room only to hear him cry out both in pain and frustration.

"God damn it. Why can I not tie this bloody thing? I am almost four hundred years old and I am yet to figure out how to tie this tie. God Esme, don't you see how much I needed you. You always did this for me and now you have left me, all alone."

"No Carlisle, you are not all alone." I said drawing his attention, "Do you honestly think Esme would leave you alone?"

"Bella I didn't mean it like that. It's just frustrating. I don't know how I am going to do this. How do I tell her goodbye? I was a married man for eighty years now, and I now I have to face eternity alone. Bell I can'………….. I can't do this."

Instantly my anger flared. I knew it was wrong for me to react this way but I was not going to allow his ridiculous beliefs of him being alone go any further.

"Carlisle, are you insane? How could you say that? Carlisle you are not alone." I spat and yanked on his shirt collar so he was at eye level with me. "You have six children who need you. Six children, Carlisle. Some people, mortal or immortal, never get that chance and there here you are. You have six beautiful children, Carlisle and you need to toughen up. They need you. The wolf pack needs you, so I really should not be saying that you have six children because on a technicality you have twenty three. Don't you forget that Carlisle. You are loved and you are not the only one who is hurting. Secondly, you are not telling her goodbye. All you have to do is let her rest I peace and the only way you are going to do that is to move on with your life. I know it is going to be tough but you are going to have to do it. Life your life for Esme. That's what you do."

With that I took him into my arms, embracing my friend and my mentor.

"Come on Carlisle. We have to go down now or else we will be late." I said as I fixed his tie.

Smiling slightly, Carlisle took my hand in his and gently placed a kiss on the back of me hand.

"Thank you Bella." And with that we made our way to the living room.

As we rounded the corner that brought the living room into view, I was stunned. The entire room was filled with mourners and through the glass you could see many more on the Cullen's lawn and patio. Carlisle' hand trembled in my own and I gripped his tighter.

It was the town's belief that Esme was in a vehicular accident where her car cairned of the road and over a cliff, into the water bellow and that divers were not able to recover the body. It had cost the Cullens a Mercedes Benz but they could not have been bothered

"Carlisle," Edward said as he approached his father, "the hearse will be here in ten minutes."

"Alright let's get everyone settled."

Gracefully, Alice walked up to the podium asked for everyone to have a seat so that the ceremony would begin as soon as the hearse arrived. Several minutes later, I looked on as Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Jacob, Sam and Seth walked forward and removed Esme's coffin from the hearse and placed it in front of the gathering.

Truly it was an empty coffin filled with letters from the family and from friends, some of Esme's precious possessions such as her wedding ring, pictures of the family and reminders of her biological son as well as the immortal child she had created and that had condemned her to this faith.

As Pastor Weber began the ceremony, Carlisle grabbed onto my hand as his silent sobs began. The ceremony was not long since it only comprised of Pastor Weber doing the religious parts as well as the eulogy by Edward since out of all the children he knew her the longest. The eulogy proved to be the hardest thing both to be said and to be heard. It was in his words that I fully remembered how much we had lost. Wee had lost a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a guide and our rock. There was one line that had hit me the hardest and had reminded me o my promise to Esme and that was: " Now that you have left as mother, we are all but alone and we hope that time sees it fit to heal us all and the Lord sees it fit to bless us with another angel like you."

After the ceremony, we were all offered condolences from the town members as they quickly left so that the family would be able to leave for a private ceremony in Chicago were Esme would be buried since that was were her first son was also buried.

When the last person left, we all branched off to our various cars. Carlisle and I led the three other cars out of Forks heading in the general direction of Chicago. The hearse had left as soon as the ceremony finished so that way it was sure to be there when we arrived. Through the entire journey, Carlisle held me hand, pain always showing on his face.

After six hours of driving, we pulled into the cemetery.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked Carlisle as I got out of the car.

"No……… I'm not." With that we walked to the plot were Esme would be buried right next to her sons: Dylan on her right and Matthew on her left.

At this site, no words were said. All we did was look at the coffin of our beloved family member. The pain everyone felt in this moment was great. It was as if this was all a lie, as if there was still hope for Esme to return.

I was unaware of how long we stood there until Edward looked up and said that it was time. With that Esme's coffin was lowered into her grave. I looked at each family member in turn, signaling to them that we should all allow Carlisle a moment alone. Sighing lightly, Alice, Rosalie and Vani each placed a white rose on Esme's grave and blue ones on her son's grave. Emmett, Jasper and Edward each in turn placed light kisses on Esme's tombstone and small toys on the boys' grave before turning to leave.

"Sleep well mother and you too brothers. We may not have known you but we love you." With that the children turned to leave with their mates and stand by the car to wait for their father. Gently I placed my arm on Carlisle's shoulder before turning to leave only to have him pull me back to him.

His arms wrapped around my waist securely and he buried his head in the crock of my neck as his sobs broke free once again.

"Bella, don't leave me. Please don't. I won't survive if you go to."

"Carlisle, listen to me. I am not going anywhere. I am here until you wish for me to be gone. I am not leaving Carlisle."

And with those words the family began to heal.


	5. Pissed of Mama

**Hey people….so this is chapter five but before we move on we need to clear something up…………………… 1) I now the Washington to Chicago thing is impossible but jus go with it……………. 2) I have an Emmett/Bella story that is in a serious state from the lack of reviews. It's called is it Worth it………..please help me out by taking a read………its only two chapters long.**

**In this chapter we are going to have a pissed off Bella. I mean, she has to deal with twenty three grieving people by herself but for her to flip we do need a catalyst……………so what will it be? I guess you are going to have to read and find out. HA! HA! HA! I am being evil…………….I know but you all still love me**

**Moving on THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM……………SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REVIEW THIS CHAPTER like you did the rest.**

**PISSED OFF MAMA.**

**Chapter Five.**

**Bella's POV.**

"Another day, another dollar." Sighing I reached into my locker and took out my lab coat.

It has now been two months since Esme's death and life has become monotonous. I had transferred to Forks General to complete my residence and to be closer to the Cullens and wolves but damn………………… life sure did suck now. Today was one of those days were life sucked even more. Why might you ask? Two words: Tanya Denali. Now that is a woman/ thing that was born with no shame. For the last two days of her visit. I looked on as that woman shamelessly and continually threw herself at Carlisle. For Pete's sake, the man's wife was just killed for a crime that was a BIG NO-NO in the vampire world. You could at least wait, I don't know………………. A decade or a century before you through yourself at him. Just thinking about that slut made my breakfast resurface and not in a pleasant way. God, what I would not do to be locked in a room with Tanya and a baseball bat.

After slamming my locker door in frustration, I worked out to the hell that is know as the Emergency Room to be immediately bombarded with patients who I was assigned to me by my attending who just happened to be Doctor Carlisle Cullen.

"Bella," one of the nurse's shouted, "this man came in not more than forty-five minutes ago complaining of fatigue and now he can't move at all. He says that he is trying but nothing is happening." Instantly I was at his side.

"Good day, Sir. I am Dr. Isabella Swan but please call me Bella. Now the nurse has already told me what is going on with you and all your tests here show that nothing is wrong. So I want to do one more test. It is simply a spinal tap. You see, the fact that you feel that you can do something, for instance walk, and then you attempt to do so but can't indicates that something is neurologically wrong, meaning your brain and nerves are not on the same page. The spinal tap would show what is wrong. However to do this test, you will need to grant us permission to do so." I said all the while looking at anything but the patient.

"Of course." He said with a slight shaky voice. I knew he was afraid; I would be too, but for some reason I could not concentrate on this patient. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to save him but some instinct in me was rearing its head was telling me that I needed to be home. Damn.

Unable to shake the feeling from my mind, I instructed the nurse to get the necessary paper work signed while I took of in search of Carlisle. After ten minutes of searching, I collapsed into one of the soft, plush chairs that were place in front of Carlisle's desk and was steering face to face with a statue yet again. I knew that could only mean I thing: he was in dream world with his one true love, Esme.

"Carlisle, Carrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssslllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeee." I called. After five minutes still no answer. Sighing, I got up and walked back to the corridor to make such that no one was there. Thank God Carlisle's office was far away from the main part of the hospital. It meant that no one would here me break this man……………….again. God why do I have to be the evil one?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Gently, I reached for the metal baseball bat that had taken up residence in Carlisle's office. Getting a good grip on in, I walked to Carlisle's side and raised the bat above my head.

"I am sorry for this Carlisle. Please don't kill me!!!!!!!!" And with that I brought the bat down and hit Carlisle square on his chest. The resounding sound was deafening, but still nothing compared to the howl of rage from Carlisle.

"What the bloody hell!" he screamed as he pained me to the opposite wall next to the door.

"Bella," he said, each word dripping with venom, "what did you think you were dong? Do you know whose presence I was in? What right do you have to pull me away from my Esme?"

"Your Esme is dead Carlisle. Look around the room. She is not here. She is with her sons. Carlisle, look. She is not here. She is gone, Carlisle. She has left you here all alone. It is only you know Carlisle. There is no more Esme."

My voice was strong but my heart was breaking. I hated to be this evil towards Carlisle but he needed to hear them. Right now all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and comfort him with words and my touch. All I wanted was to tell him that it will all be okay but I couldn't. The part of me that still held Esme in my heart was continuously reminding me of her words; punishing me for making that ridiculous promise but if I wanted to save this family, I had to save the leader, the patriarch, first.

His eyes began to pool with the tears that would never fall.

"What do you want Carlisle? Do you want Esme? Well she's not here. She's gone. Gone Gone. Gone." I sang mockingly.

"Why Bella? Why do you taunt me this way?" He cried.

With that my heart broke into a thousand pieces as he dropped me unceremoniously to the ground.

Slowly, I got up from the fall and made my way over to Carlisle who was now seated on the chair behind his desk. Forcefully, I raised his arms and sat on his lap, snuggling into his chest.

"Carlisle, do you remember what you told said to Rosalie when James was trying to kill me?" I asked softly while drawing soothing circles on his arms.

I waited until he slowly nodded before continuing.

"You said that I was with Edward and that made me part of this family and that we protected our own. Remember?"

"Well that is what I am doing now Carlisle. I am protecting my own. I am protecting you all from yourselves. Think Carlisle. Think of what this is doing to your family, to your children. None of them deserved to have their mother taken from them but that was the hand that life dealt you."

I pulled away slightly all the while lifting Carlisle's face to meet my gaze.

"I know you are hurting Carlisle. I know that. And I am sorry for being mean to you. I am sorry for taunting you but I will continue to do it until you grieve properly. I will stop when you let it all out. I am not in anyway telling you that you have to get over it this minute. What I am telling you, is to let someone in. Hold on to whoever that is. Cry, swear, throw tantrums, do what ever you have to do to heal yourself. There are too many people in this world who need you. Save yourself first Carlisle and then save the world."

I had no idea how long we sat like that. All I knew was that my legs were slowly losing feeling.

Finally, Carlisle broke the silence.

"You're right. I haven't grieved and it's affecting everything. I know that if Esme was here that she would be so angry with me. But Bella I have a question for you."

Cautiously, I nodded.

"Would you be that person for me? Would you be the person to see me cry, swear, throw a tantrum? Would you help me save me?"

"Of course papa bear." I said through me giggles. Papa bear was a term I started to call him when we became friends and could no longer consider ourselves as father and daughter.

Finally after the torturous days and nights since Esme's death, Carlisle finally broke into a smile, a genuine, love filled smile.

"Now, my dear friend, I assume that there is a reason behind this little visit of yours." He said while shifting me in his lap.

"Yes, I am actually here to speak to my attending. You see he assigned me a patient this morning who is showing signs of Gillian- Barre syndrome. I need his permission and supervision to do a spinal tap."

"Well let's get to it then." He said pulling me to my feet.

"Wait, how are you all of a sudden acting so normal? How come you aren't still dark and twisty?"

"Dark and Twisty?" Carlisle questions with raised eyebrows.

"Yes……………no. Oh god you know what I mean and you very well know what I am asking."

"Gently, he placed both his hands on my shoulders before lowering his head to meet my gaze.

"I am not 100% alright and I may never be but you are right. There are those who need me and I will deal with my pain with time. Slowly but surely and save myself as well as the others."

He finished his little speech by placing a gentle, friendly kiss on my forehead.

"Come on now Dr. Swan." He said while playfully shoving me out the door.

************************************************************************

After a hard day's work, we finally went home, laughing all the while at the stares I was continuous getting from the female staff at the hospital. As soon as we turned onto the trail leading to the house, Carlisle stiffened.

"Carlisle, what is it?" I asked gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Alice," he chocked, "Alice is crying."

That was all I needed to hear. As soon as the car stopped I was running through the front door.

"Alice," I called only to see her on her knees crying in the center of the living room with Rosalie in a similar state on the stairs

Instantly I was at her side, wrapping her protectively in my arms.

"Alice, shhhhhhhh…….. honey. I've got you. I am here love. Shhhh." I cooed as I gently rocked her.

"Bella is it really you?" she cried. I was stunned by that question. Why would I not be here?

"Of course I'm here silly. Where else will I be?"

Suddenly I as knocked flat on my back by Rosalie only to look up and see her eyes black with anger.

"Listen to me Bella. I am only going to say this once. You are never, ever to leave us. Do you understand?

"Rose, Alice," I said pulling them both into my side, "I will never leave you. Never. I am here to stay. Do I make myself clear? I love you like my own. I will never leave you. My heart wouldn't last if I did."

I waited until they nodded until I continued.

"But can I ask you both where you got the ridiculous notion that I don't love you and that I would ever leave you?"

"I'll tell you," Vani spat, "in two words: Tanya Denali."

"WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!" I shouted.

It was only then that I realized that the Denali coven was still here and that the boys were missing.

"Tanya," I said cold and menacingly, making sure to annunciate each and every word, "what did you say to Rosalie and Alice?"

"I just told them that eventually you would leave to live a normal human life." She shrugged indifferently.

"Girls, go to your father for a minute while I speak to Tanya." Instantly, Carlisle scooped the girls up and was sitting on the couch with each of them on either side of him.

Gracefully as I could manage, I picked myself of the floor and turned to face Tanya directly in her face.

"Tanya, you had no right to do that. For you information, through clearly it is none of your business, I have EVERY intention of staying with the Cullens. You see those two girls there are my babies. I might not have given birth to them but they are mine. I am not a vampire so I cannot physically hurt you but I can tell you this: if you ever think about pulling a stunt like that again, I can and will find a way to bury you so far down in the earth that the earth's core insinuates your sorry ass. DO. I. MAKE. MYSELF. CLEAR?"

"Whatever," the insufferable bitch said while rolling her eyes, "you sure know how to talk tough, Bella."

"You think that I am making empty threats Tanya?" I asked with a small smile on my face.

"I know you are."

"Really. How much would you like to bet on that? Your pathetic existence perhaps?"

"My existence is not pathetic. Just because you are a doctor does not make you better than anyone else."

"You are right. Just because I am a doctor does not make me better than anyone else. It just makes me better than you."

At this, both Rosalie and Alice chuckled slightly. My heart soared to know that they were not hurting as much.

"You know what Tanya. I am not going to play your stupid little games. Just back away from my family and those children." I said while pointing in the direction of Alice, Rosalie and Vani.

"They are not children and they are certainly not your family."

"Yes they are children and they have the right to a childhood so excuse me if I chose to fight for them. And on the second account, I am part of this family. This is my family and I will bring heaven and hell down no anyone who tries to destroy this family."

"Keep telling yourself that. You, a mere human, mean nothing to them." The hiss of outrage as deafening.

Slowly, I raised my hand and pulled out my locket that held the Cullen crest.

"Tanya, I think that by me wearing the Cullen crest alone shows that I am more of a Cullen than you."

"That is quite true." Instantly my head snapped to Carlisle where he sat with Rosalie, Alice and Vani. He smiled gently at me before continuing.

"To the children, Bella is a second mother figure. To me, she is a great friend. She runs this house and never once have I heard her complain. Like Esme, she is the heart of this family, so please do not insult her anymore. My children will not take too kindly to that."

It was at his words that my knees weakened and that the unexplainable feeling I had all day finally made sense.

Seeing my condition; Carlisle was instantly at my side and cradling me to his chest.

"Bella, are you all right?" he asked in his doctor's voice.

"I am fine. It just all makes sense now."

"What makes sense now?" he asked but I just ignored him having turned my attention to my daughters.

"Rosalie, Alice, Vani, I love you sweethearts. Do you hear me? You are my life. I will never leave you."

"What about us?" Emmett asked from the doorway.

"You too my boys. I will never leave you. I can never leave you." Was all I was able to say before I pulled them into my chest and began to cry and no longer paying attention to anything.

"Eleazar, do you care to explain what just happened?" I heard Carlisle ask.

"Bella just realized that she had formed a bond like no other with these children when she was defending the family from Tanya."

"And what bond is that?"

"A mother's bond Carlisle. A mother's bond."

All I could do now was look at both men and nod. He was right. Eleazar was right. These were my children and now I was their mother.


	6. We Forgot Her

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT RELATED.**

**Hey guys sorry about the very late update but if you read Light in the Darkness (my other story) you would know that my life is a little chaotic and I shall in a short while be strangling myself for taking four hours to write this chapter since it should have only taken me two and now I lost two hours of study time. Now for all of you who don't know why I should be strangling myself well the reason is simple. I started university recently and I got into pre med. Now I have no idea how it runs in other countries but in my country it's a year and I have exams every month. Next week I have chemistry and chemistry and I are not the best of friends. So please bear with me. I will write when I can.**

**Thank you all for the reviews. Please give me some love so I know my strangulation was** **not in vain.**

**WE FORGOT HER.**

**Chapter Six.**

**Carlisle's POV.**

For days now the tension in the house had grown to an all time high. Tanya's presence was clearly not wanted but none of us had the heart to ask the Denali's to leave since the rest were still grieving for Esme.

Bella had taken an odd approach to Tanya after their confrontation and her declarations. She apparently seemed set on just basically pissing Tanya off and I must say it was working wonders since they basically led to Tanya's disappearance. At first I was a bit put off with the way that Bella was dealing with Tanya but when she explained to me that it was affecting her children, I quickly pulled away and allowed it to continue.

Oh and yes I did say that- her children. Above all the changes that had occurred after Esme's death; that was the one that stunned me the most. Bella was now a mother and greatly enjoyed every moment of it even though I had great problems with that, mostly with my children and which also led me to this moment.

Presently, Bella and I were locked in a heated fight over my wolf sons who were all present and silently crying.

"HOW DARE YOU BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT YOU ERASED ESME'S MEMORIES FROM THE MINDS OF MY VAMPIRE CHILDREN BUT YOU HAD TO DO THE SAME TO MY WOLF CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!"

"HOW DEAR YOU ACCUSE ME OF THAT CARLISLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I AM TRYING TO DO WAS HELP THEM HEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I WOULD ERASE ESME FROM THEIR MEMORIES!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD I? SHE IS A PART OF WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She was matching my anger stroke for stroke. I knew I was being irrational. I knew Bella would never do that and I was sure that in just a few short minutes I would be regretting every starting this argument but I needed to vent today. I needed to get rid of all my anger and frustration. I never knew where it came from but it was always there, poisoning my system as it continued to pulse through my frozen, cold body making me resemble a monster more that the man that I was.

"LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE ALL LIES. DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I DON'T SEE THE JOY IN YOUR EYES WHEN THEY CALL YOU THEIR MOTHER!!!!!!!! YOU DISGUST ME!!!!!!!!!!!" I spat into her face earning a gasp from everyone who was witnessing this confrontation.

"AT LEAST THE FEELING IS MUTUAL!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU STAND THERE AND SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Before I could respond though, I heard her utter the words that effectively shut me up.

"Is that really what you think of me?" She said lowering her gaze to the floor. My words had pierced her, cut wounds to deep into her and I knew now it was too late to take them back.

"Isa….." I began only to see her look up and walk away and into the kitchen.

I did not need to be an empath to feel the sheer disappointment that was directed solely at me. Silently, all the women present drifted towards the kitchen only to hear Bella utter a strangled cry as she begged them to leave her be.

My sons, both wolf and vampire looked at me with disappointment, shock rage and guilt.

"Carlisle," Emmett's voice reached me, "I have never been one to say anything. I just look on and take what comes my way. But today I think that I should say something. Firstly let me apologize. We had no idea that you though that we were using Bella to replace Esme. We never intended for you to think that. It's just that we all needed a mother's comfort; the comfort that Bella offered and we took it selfishly not having thought of the effect that this would have on you. We all know you Carlisle and we all know that you are a man of logic and fact but sometimes emotions get the better of us and push all logic away and the lines between fact and fiction become misconstrued."

"Today was an example of one such day. We all understand that you are grieving for the loss of your soul mate and we all understand that the pain may be maddening but what just happened was uncalled for since I think that Bella is dealing with more than each and everyone of us. Think about it. All of you," he said turning to the wolf pack and his own vampire siblings, "Bella has uprooted her life for all of us. She left her residency behind at John Hopkins for us. In the space of a few weeks, she became a mother to all of us, all twenty three of us. She became a friend to you Carmen and to you Eleazar and an aunt to you Kate and Irina and never once have any of us consider to ask her how she was coping. For days I looked on as Bella took our tongue lashing one after the other. We all were acting like bratty kids. We fought over one another, ignored one another, blatantly refused to do something when asked and never once did she complain. She just held us and comforted us, loved us and looked at us with so much adoration in her eyes that our pain faded away and hers increased tenfold." Sighing he lowered himself onto the couch and pulled Rosalie into his arms as she began to shake from her sobs .

Every word he said was true. In our own pain and grief we forgot hers.

"Carlisle," he said with a hidden plea in his eyes, "you are the only one who can fix this. Please I beg you bring our Bella back. We have all watched you fight time and time again and we all that you are already forgiven but she needs you. She needs her Carlisle. She's only human and has had too much thrown at her recently. She can only take so much."

A snort pulled our attention away from Emmett who had now been joined by Edward, Jasper, Alice and Vani on the couch, ant turned to Tanya who was strutting into the house with an all too familiar sneer on her face.

"Pathetic human." She said as she gazed in the direction of the kitchen were the scent of cooking food and a sobbing Bella could be smelt and heard.

"You're right Emmett. I need to do this. I will fix this. I really was a fool to push her this way. She's only human. Children why don't you take your wolf brothers for dinner? I don't think anything that Bella gives you would be edible tonight." Nodding, they all stood and made their way out only to have me stop them.

"Wait! Before you go, I want you all to here this."

Quickly, I turned my attention so that my gaze was looked with Tanya's, my demeanor slipping into my patriarchal mode that was never questioned and always feared.

"I have no idea what your problem with Bella is and truly I do not see myself wasting anytime trying to figure it out. All I know is this Tanya; Bella is a Cullen and being a Cullen means that she is under my protection. Why do you think that the Volturi fear me? I am capable of a lot. If you ever as so much as think of hurting her or even if you unintentionally hurt her either physically or emotionally there will be hell to pay and trust me when I say if that should occur, you will be the first vampire in this group her that will find out if there is a heaven or hell."

"Car…….." She began.

"No Tanya," I interrupted, "I don't wish to hear anything else from you. I just thought you should know that. Isabella has been a member of this family for a very long time. Now she is mother to my children and a friend to me. Most importantly, she helps to keep a little bit of Esme alive at all times. We that said you may all leave."

Quickly, they all left, even the Denali's which shocked me slightly but none the less it was welcomed.

Sighing, I made my way into the kitchen. As I approached I could hear the gentle pitter patter as her tears hit the counter tops. She stood with her back to me and was staring at through the kitchen windows lost completely in her own thoughts. Suddenly, she grabbed a crystal vase from next to her and hurled it into the glass wall and looked on as it shattered.

And then all hell broke loose. As soon as the shattered glass hit the ground, Bella's legs gave out and she began to crumple. At vampire speeds, I ran over and caught her before pulling her into my embrace only to hear her scream.

"ESME!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME??????? WHY????????? I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR SISTER. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. THEN WHY, WHY ESME?????????????????????"

My heart broke as Isabella broke down in my arms.

"Isabella, Isabella," I soothed as I carried her to her room, "Hush love hush. She loved you and yes you were her sister but she had to go. She had to leave us. Hush love, hush."

"Carlisle," she chocked out clutching onto my shirt for dear life, "I can't do this without her. I can't."

"Yes you can Bella. Why do you think Esme asked this of you? She knew you can. She believed in you and so do I. I am sorry that you had to deal with this by yourself but I am here now and we will face this together. Okay?"

After several minutes she had composed herself enough to simply nod. For hours she cried never saying much. There was a lot in her heart and I just gave her the time to let it all out. Around eleven that night Alice called to say that they were staying on the reservation so that Bella could have some room to let it out. It was about one thirty in the morning when she began to fall asleep. Not knowing if she wanted me to stay, I gently began to disentangle myself from her only to have her pull me back down.

"Are you sure?" I asked as she placed her head on my chest and snuggled into me.

"I am sure. I need you tonight Carlisle." Was all she said before sleep finally took her.


	7. Realization

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT RELATED**

**REALIZATIONS.**

**Chapter Seven.**

**Carlisle's POV**

"Carlisle, do you have any idea what you are asking for?" You are one of our top surgeons and Isabella is now beginning her internship. You do not seriously believe that this extended leave of yours would be acceptable?"

"Chief, it is the only logical thing to do. Isabella has been member of my family for a very long time and right now there is no way that she is mentally capable of completing her internship."

And it was true.

Now, seven hours and twenty seven minutes after her break down Bella was presently sleeping in my room with my children spread out around her. Rosalie had pillowed her head on Bella's stomach and Alice had found comfort on her right shoulder. Emmett sat at the end of the bed with his hand placed on Bella's anklet. Edward was sitting on the bed with his pressed against the head board, gently running his fingers through Bella's hair. Vani sat on his lap firmly grasping Bella's right hand in her own. Jasper however had placed his head on Bella's lap and was constantly looking at her face. I did not need a power to be able to tell that he was keeping Bella asleep; a slumber she needed.

Sighing and utterly frustrated, I turned to look out the window of my room to the yard were the wolf pack had conjugated and were consuming anything that would agree with their digestive systems.

"Chief, we have been friends for a very long time and I tell you this with the most possible respect; if you do not accept this extended leave I will have cause to resign from my position at Forks General. In regards to Bella's internship, I am sure that it is very clear to any psychiatrist that she is in a very advanced state for distress and depression and I am sure, through one evaluation she will forever be prevented from practicing medicine. Please don't do her that."

Shockingly, my voice broke. Even for me it was painful to think of Bella's condition and the pain only intensified when I thought of how the actions of my family only added to it.

Sighing, the chief finally conceded.

"I don't like it but take all the time you need but you do know we would not be able to pay Bella's salary Carlisle."

"It's fine. We will be okay."

With that I ended my phone call and turned to my children.

"Dad?" Alice's voice reached me as I consumed myself in guilt.

"What is it sweetie?" I asked tearing my eyes away from Bella's sleeping form.

"We need to talk. All of us- wolves included."

"Alright, we'll need to wait until Bella's wake……….."She cut me of.

"It can't wait." Alice whispered urgently; fear and pain evident in her voice.

"Alright," and with that we all made our way down to the living room except for Jasper who remained to keep Bella asleep.

"Alright Alice," I said after everyone was seated, wolves included, "you have the floor."

With a wordless plea, Edward walked forward and took Alice's hand giving her whatever comfort he could gave as her brother.

There had been very few times when Edward had given Alice comfort in this way but whenever he did as a result of her visions, what we were always told was never a good thing.

"As you would have summarized already, Bella is in pain. What we got today was a taste of what is yet to come." Edward said in a monotone voice void of all emotion.

"What?" Jacob asked after a moment of silence, "That was a taste?"

"Yes." Alice answered. "That was just a taste. The things I saw Bella facing in her future are horrifying."

"What did you see?" Emmett asked in a voice that I was never one to associate with him- cold and serious.

"Well for starters, there will be several more breakdowns. I would tell you when but you all will just try to prevent them which would not be good at all. She will need them. She will need to face her pain to become our Bella again."

"You're right." I interjected before anyone could oppose. "From a medical perspective, that's the best thing for her; for her to heal." I clarified.

"What about a non-medical perspective?" Rosalie seethed, completely disarming me

"What do you mean Kitty?" I asked still unnerved

"Since Esme died all I ever hear you talking about is medicine. You hardly ever said anything to us; your own children and now Bella needs you and all you could think of is how she's hurt from a medical perspective." Rosalie stormed.

"Rose I think you are being unfair to you father." Sam interjected.

"Unfair. My mother is upstairs on a bed in a myth logically induced coma and all he, the man I look up to as a father; my father could only say it's good for her health."

We froze; each and every single one of us as Rosalie's words registered in our minds.

"Your mother?" Vani whispered cautiously; her tone reflecting the shock we all felt.

"Yes my mother. Oh come on don't act like you all are blind or stupid. Let's face it: since Esme's death Bella became a mother to us all. While it may seem that by saying it so bluntly is like removing Esme from our lives but it's not true. It's just that we are moving on; healing which is a far cry from where Bella is."

"Rose." Emmett called quietly, "I understand that you are upset as well but bitching with one another is not going to male this any better. Please."

"Fine but this is not over."

"Back to the future, what else do you see, Alice?" Jacob asked.

"A lot but there is not much we could protect Bella from."

"So what do we do?" Leah asked. It was surprising that Leah was even here but her love and adoration for Bella was more than enough to keep her here.

"Not we, Leah."

"What do you mean Alice?" I asked again stumped by what was being said.

"We can't help her. Only you can do that. You will be her saving grace just like she will be ours."

"She already saved me Alice." I sighed.

"Exactly and now it's time for you to save her." Edward replied.

"Off course." I replied immediately. I owned it to Esme to be there for her dearest friend.

"This has nothing to do with Esme, Carlisle" Edward replied reading my thoughts.

"This is about Bella and you being a friend. She doesn't need Esme. She doesn't want the comfort that Esme would give. She wants what the comfort you would give. Carlisle she needs you. She needs the friend the helped her through medical school, the friend who attacked and spun her around like a crazy person when she graduated. She needs her Carlisle not Esme's Carlisle."

"I don't know who I am any more." I admitted shamefully.

"There is nothing to be shameful about Carlisle." Jasper whispered from my bedroom. " We understand more than you give us credit for. We are all here for you and for Bella but only you can save her. In her eyes, we are her children and she will not want to burden us with her troblues. As Emmett said we forgot Bella, selfishly and callously we left her to deal with all our pains but forgot hers. Now when we realize our mistake, it's up to you to save her. It's up to you to save our mother; the only one we have left."

Through out Jasper's speech my eyes had been down cast but now as I looked at my children; vampire and shape-shifter alike, I realized that this was never a meeting about Bella's future. This was a plea; a plea by my children to save what we all held dear to us: Bella. She had helped us mourn and brought us back and now it was time for me to do the same.

I was pulled from my thinking when I heard Bella stirring.

"All of you leave now. I handle Bella but I don't want you to be around for this."

"Dad what are you going to do?" Rosalie asked cautiously.

"Save her." I answered in a monotone voice as I mentally prepared myself for the hell that I was about to unleash.

"How?" Leah asked now mirroring Rosalie's caution.

"By a rude awakening."


	8. We Want You, Bella Not Esme

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT RELATED.**

**WE WANT YOU, BELLA. NOT ESME.**

**Chapter Eight.**

**Bella's POV**

I awoke with a start. The calm that had surrounded me had dissipated and allowed the memories of Esme to plague my mind. She truly had been an amazing person with a heart of gold and I knew that there was no way that I could step up and take my place on the maternal mantel that she had left for me.

Sighing, I reached for the glass of water that had been placed on my bed side table while using the back of my other hand to wipe away the light sheen of sweat that was brought forth by my nightmare.

It took me a while to regain my composure but eventually, I sank back against the pillows and looked out at the sky. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I did not realize anyone else was in the room until he spoke.

"How are you this afternoon, Bella?" Carlisle asked in a soft voice which caused me to jump at least a foot of my bed.

"Jesus Carlisle," I cried out in shock, "I am fine………..or at least I will be." I whispered. "Where are the children?" I asked regaining the proper use of my voice.

"Out. They should be back soon. Now, I think that this is a good time to inform you that the wolves will be coming for dinner so I don't think it should be much of a problem to cook for the pack. I mean they only eat enough for fifty people, if not more." He stated in an off hand manner.

"Carlisle, you can't be serious. I only have like, two hours." I shrieked glancing at the red digits shown on the clock.

"Again, not a problem. Considering that you are attempting to take up the mantle left behind by Esme, I am sure you are more than capable to pull this off." His voice cold as ice; hard as steal and with an unreadable face, he walked out of the room.

Like a bat out of hell, I shot of the bed and hurried to my closet and got dressed while promising myself that I would talk to Carlisle later but right now, at the top of my list, was to get dinner prepared for my boys….well some of them. Speeding down the stairs, I grabbed my purse and the keys for Carlisle's car and sped to the grocery store.

After forty minutes of speed shopping and seven shopping carts full of foods and drinks, which I successfully bribed a delivery man to drop to the house; I flew into the kitchen to beginning cook. Without hesitation, I prepared the steaks to grill for the boys and had already started on making several pies for their dessert.

As I wiped the sweat from my brow, I happened to notice that I had forty minutes until the wolves started to arrive.

"Dear God! How am I going to finish this?" I cried to the heavens. My cries were answered when I cut my finger drawing, not some, but a lot of blood.

When incidences like this occurred, normally, Carlisle would already be in the kitchen with antiseptic wipes and a bandage, while scolding me for not being careful. Today, however, he called down to me to say where I could find the wipes and bandages.

Twenty minutes later, I had their potatoes mashed and ready to serve. The pies were finished and I had started on the salad which I knew none of the boys would like to eat so I knew that I would be force feeding those.

"Isabella," I heard Carlisle call, the coldness still in his voice, "the boys are on their way. Is everything done?"

"Mostly. I just have to grill the steak." I said turning away from the counter only to run into Emmett.

"Boys," I cried hugging each of them while placing a kiss on their foreheads, "when did you get back?"

"We just got in mom." Jasper said while wrinkling his nose up no doubt at the smells being emitted from my cooking.

"I'll do that for you mom," Edward said smiling before taking the tray carrying the steaks and walking out the back door followed by Emmett and Jasper.

"Alice, Rose, Vani," I called, "your mother would like a hug please."

"Certainly," I heard them snigger from behind me and I turned just in time to be tackled to the ground by my three daughters, well three out of my many daughters.

"Thank you, sweethearts." I chuckled as they helped me back onto my feet, "but is it possible to help me set up the patio for dinner?"

"Already done," Alice said, "but we have to get you dress now, mom."

"Oh sweetie, I can't. At least not yet. I still have the……………………"

"Consider it done." Rosalie said while tying an apron around her waist and handing one to Vani. "It's a lot of work for you. Dad should have been helping but he has his head to far up his ass to care."

"Rosalie!" I scolded, "You will not speak to or about your father that way. He is hurting. I understand."

"But you're hurting too." Alice said softly, her eyes swimming in the tears she could no longer cry.

"Not as much as him." I lied.

"Bull…………."Vani started until I turned my gaze on her. I had no idea what it was with Rosalie, Vani and swearing but when you combined these two, you could have sworn that they were raised by trucker.

"What Vani is trying to say is that we don't want to see you hurt." Rosalie said softly.

"I am fine. Let's leave it at that for the while. Okay?" I said softly while touching her cheek.

"Okay. Now shoo, mama. Vani and I have some cooking to do."

And with that I was taken prisoner by Alice. For thirty minutes, and that has to be some type of record, Alice buffed and polished every exposed surface of my body before fitting me into a beautiful black dress and, thankfully, ballet flats.

As soon as she released me, I flew down the stairs and into the living room where I heard the voices of the wolves; my wolves

"Boys, girls: my wolf pack," I cried as soon as I rounded the corner that led into the living room.

"MOM," And with that every single one of them launched themselves at me at the same time.

Not the best idea.

"KIDS," Carlisle screamed as I toppled under the force of the collision.

"Sorry," They whispered quietly as they helped me up.

Chuckling, I made my way around the room and hugged and kissed each and every one of my children, wolves and vampires alike.

"Mom, the steaks as done," Jasper said as he walked into the room.

"Thank you, Jasper," I said kissing his forehead while projecting the love I felt for him.

Without warning, Jasper pulled me to his chest and buried his head into my neck.

"I love you, mama," He said, still embracing me.

"I love you too, Jasper." I said allowing Jasper to cocoon himself in the love I felt for him; the love I felt for all my children.

"Alright." I heard a voice say close by me, "as much as I love this moment, I am hungry……………Let's eat."

"Brady," I heard Carlisle reprimand softly.

"No, its fine Carlisle," I said looking towards Carlisle only to have him turn his gaze away from me.

"GREAT," Brady screamed before running into the dining room only to realize that the food was not there. "Wait, where is the food? I smell it but I can't see it. Where is it mama? Please tell me where it is?" Brady pouted at me.

"Mama's boy," I heard Emmett jab from across the room.

"It's on the patio. We all can't fit here." I said answering Brady's question while tapping Emmett on his head for poking fun at his brother.

It took us a while to get settled but as soon as all the boys had a plate in front of them which they had happily loaded with food, all conversation had stopped between the wolves. The only conversations that could be heard were from my vampire children as Alice tried to persuade Jasper that she needed a new closet, Emmett convincing Rosalie that he needed a new gaming system and Edward and Vani discussing plans to go on a vacation.

Throughout all their exchanges, a small smile played on my lips. It was moments like these that just made my day better but of course, I can never have uninterrupted happy moments.

"Happy, Isabella?" Carlisle sneered from the other end of the table.

Instantly, the wolves dropped their cutlery onto their plates and the vampire conversations ended.

"Yes, Carlisle. I am undoubtedly happy." I said keeping my voice neutral and thankfully hiding the panic that was rising up within me.

"You should be. You might actually live up to Esme's standards. You might actually be a good mother because there is no way in hell that you could be the miracle of perfection that my Esme was." He spat.

Knowing that there was very little I could do now to prevent this argument from happening in front of our children, I decided the smartest thing to do was at least to curb it.

"Carlisle please, why are you being so callous. What is wrong with you?"

"Wrong with me?" He questioned, "I am not the one who is trying to take the place of a wife and a dearly loved mother."

"I am not doing that. How dear you accuse me of that!" I yelled in outrage. "I do not know if you were present or if it is possible for vampires to lose their God-damn minds because clearly something has happened to yours. If I remember clearly and I think it was less than forty-eight hours ago, that we had this same disagreement. I am not trying to replace Esme, you idiot. I can never do that."

"Dad don't," I heard Alice warn from my right.

"What, Alice? You don't want me to say that there is no way Bella could do the things that Esme was capable of, like say for example- how Esme was capable of cooking an entire meal and setting up an eating area in less than two hours and did not require the help of anyone." Carlisle smirked.

"Dad, what is wrong with you? We asked you to help mom, not condemn her to the cross." Emmett growled.

"What?" I chocked out; confused by his words.

"Alice had some not so pleasant visions about you so we asked our father to help you but apparently that was not the smartest idea we ever had." Emmett replied.

"Thank you children for caring and now I ask you, Carlisle to end this discussion until the children have finished eating and then we can thrash out any disagreement we have had."

"Oh, look at you." Carlisle spoke in a mocking tone. "Trying to be all perfect."

"GOD DAMN IT CARLISLE. I GET IT ALREADY. I KNOW I AM NOT ESME. I ACCEPT THAT I AM NOT YOUR PERFECT, PRECIOUS EMSE BUT THESE CHILDREN NEED A MOTHER AND I AM PLANNING ON BEING JUST THAT. GOD DAMN YOU IF YOU CAN'T TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS LONG ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT." My anger had flared and taken control of me so fast that it was not until the end of my explosion that I realized that I was on my feet and panting heavily.

"I am already damned but if it saves you then I am fine by that." Carlisle spoke in his normally calming manner now; his eyes brightening considerably and his manner and posture losing all the coldest he held today.

"What?" I responded; too shell-shocked to form coherent sentences.

"What did you just say, Isabella?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"I said……………." I trailed of as my memory kicked. With eyes as wide as saucers, I looked up at Carlisle who had a small smile playing on his lips.

"Carlisle, I am so ……………"

"Isabella, if you even consider apologizing to me, we will have another argument. I don't need an apology but I needed you to realize for yourself that none of us want you to be Esme. We don't want or need Esme's Bella. We need our Bella just like you need me to be your Carlisle and not Esme's. I am sorry for the way I treated you today especially when you sliced your finger open but I needed you to go over the edge so that even in anger, you would have noted and accepted what you did not want to acknowledge."

"How…….."I trailed off.

"How did I know that you needed your Carlisle and how did I figure out that I had to get rid of your ridiculous belief that we wanted you to become Esme?" Carlisle said.

All I could do was nod.

"Our children are smarter than we give them credit for." Carlisle answered looking at each of our children fondly.

"So they knew about this fight? Did you plan this with them?" I asked as I took a sip of my wine.

"No, they did not know. Well probably Edward did but the rest of them had no clue. After your breakdown, we had a meeting and Alice told us a bit about of your future and our future as a family. After the meeting of sorts, I sent them away so that I could prepare myself for what I did just now. I never meant to hurt you but I had to."

It took me several minutes to realize what Carlisle said and several more to accept the depth of what happened. They did not want Esme. They wanted me: Isabella Marie Swan.

Wordlessly, I pushed myself away from the table and walked over to Carlisle. Without hesitation, he stood and pulled me into his arms; just holding me like he did when I wanted to kill Emmett for erasing all the files from my laptop or when I wanted to tear up Alice's wardrobe when she donated my clothes to charity so she could by me a new wardrobe or when life in itself became too much for me.

"We will get through it all together. Do you understand me Isabella?" Carlisle whispered into my hair.

"Yes. Together." I said tightening my hold on him.

"Okay. Now that mommy and daddy dearest are not fighting anymore, where is the pie I smell?" Brady asked.

"No pie until you eat you vegetables, Brady." I said tucked myself into Carlisle's side.

"But mom," Brady started before Carlisle cut him off.

"No buts, Brady. Vegetables now."

"You know, for creatures of the mythological world, I would say that we just had a normal family moment." Emmett said looking pleased until he started to stare of in space with a happy, lazy smile on his face. "Unicorn." He sighed.

"Unicorn?" I repeated puzzled until I noticed Jasper's face. "Jasper Whitlock Cullen, stop pumping your brother with euphoria." I scolded while Carlisle buried his face into my hair to prevent the children from seeing the grin that I felt spread across his face.

"Well normal for a while," I sighed as Emmett lunged across the table at Jasper when he realized what happened.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Readers,

I know that this notice is starting off very formal but there is a reason for that.

A few weeks ago I got a private message, the context of which was very rude and downright insulting. I will not share the exact message with you simply because I no longer have it saved on my computer. This message was the main reason I had not updated in a while.

You see, I like many of you began writing here just for the joy of writing. I gain nothing from this and for someone to callously call my work a piece of crap was hurtful but, at that point in time, not enough to stop me from writing. So unknowing to you all, the readers, I took a break to re-center myself and my writing.

Presently, in my possession are additional chapters to each and every single one of my stories but sadly I will not be publishing them until further notice.

I know that everyone who is reading this is wondering why I have basically put my stories on hiatus and I will now explain.

On the day that I got that first message, I was shaken. I am a first time author and to have your work called 'crap' is not a nice feeling as someone of you can agree to. Yesterday, I got a similar message from a different person saying the exact same thing, only a bit more hurtful. I am not telling you all this because I am looking for sympathy. I know as a writer there are some people who would not like your work. After all, you cannot please everyone but there is a difference between constructive criticism and insults.

Now, because of that, I have begun to doubt myself. Even now as I am writing this I wonder if I have made an error somewhere for someone to lash out at me. I know that my work is not perfect because I went at this writing thing without any help, editing and do all the corrections myself. But was it really crap?

I know that there are writers who would say what needed to be said to those who insult their work. I am not one of those. I just hope those two individuals read this and realize I am only human and that I make mistakes too.

So now, the other question is- What is going to happen to these stories? As I said before, they are going on hiatus indefinitely. I assure all of you that I am going to write again and continue these stories but I need time. Also, in this break that I am taking, with the help of a friend, I am going to rework every single one of these stories. That means changes are going to occur.

So, that's all I have to say. Please say all you needed to say. Just, please try not to be harsh with your words.

Yours truly,

Vcln.


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